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Are you trying to make a relationship work with opposite schedules? Maybe it’s with a friend, your child or even your spouse.
Is it working?
Are you managing to keep the love alive or are you simply like ships in the night?
Maintaining a happy marriage while on conflicting schedules is our reality and we want to share our secrets to make a positive impact on your marriage.
Dan is a permanent night shift worker and I am a nurse on a rotating schedule and we appreciate the teamwork it takes to keep all the balls in the air.
Statistics suggest shift work accounts for a higher percentage of breakups and divorces than those working traditional hours.
Not sure about you, but we don’t want to be another number.
We have created an insightful guide about how to make a happy marriage last when working conflicting shifts.
Our advice not only steams from personal experiences but also from observing those close to us, such as our parents – who have been happily married for over 30 years!
Our marriage may not have ‘veteran’ status, but these tips help us and will no doubt help any other couples in a similar position.
A Great Marriage Is Made up of Two “Givers”
There’s one, deliciously salty corn chip left in the bowl. Who get’s it? Marriage is about both of you considering one another for the last chip.
Remember you shouldn’t always be the one ending up with the less bruised banana or best slice of pepperoni pizza. Be willing to share the best bit at times.
Don’t Interfere and Remember to Laugh – Even When Working Night Shift
Life would be pretty boring if we were all the same, don’t you think?
The way Dan folds the clothes and stacks the dishwasher is totally different from my technique, but does that make it wrong?
I don’t think so and who really cares?
Just laugh about your differences, appreciate that jobs are getting done and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Never Go to Bed Angry
This is priceless advice from my father in law given to us on our wedding day.
You don’t have to see eye to eye, but make sure when its time for bed there are no slamming bedroom doors or refusing to say goodnight.
Closing the conversation, albeit you may not agree, will allow both parties to achieve a higher quality sleep and we know how important this is!
You may also find ‘sleeping on it’ allows you to gain a different perspective on where you finished the conversation the night before.
Say Sorry
After a busy shift, you may find you speak harshly, snap at your partner for making a suggestion or criticize them for simply doing a task in a way you wouldn’t.
Once you reach the, ‘Yes, I was out of line’ moment, take a deep breath and apologize – but be genuine.
An empty apology doesn’t hold any weight and can actually do more harm then good if your spouse was waiting for a heartfelt apology and you provided a baffling confession.
Go to Bed Together When You Have the Same Night Off
If your spouse wants to go to sleep but you’re not tired, try reading in bed instead of staying on the couch watching TV.
This happens almost every Friday night for us, as Dan has just finished nights and is functioning on 3 hours sleep.
I have to make the intentional decision to go to bed but it works wonders for us in regards to intimacy and togetherness and importantly in deciphering our dreams.
Make Time – Even When It Seems Impossible
Make shift work, work for you. Our unusual routine does allow for dates outside traditional times, so escape the crowds and use it wisely.
Read 5 Impressive Date Ideas for Those Working Opposite Shift to get you started.
Be Present
This is huge for us. Put away your device, turn off the TV and take time to listen to your spouse. Ask questions and hear all about their day distraction free.
If you only have a few minutes before you need to fly out the door for the next shift, make it count.
We have learned the hard way by innocently prioritizing technology in the past.
This has meant we have appeared rude and uninterested and it generally resulted in a huff and puff discussion.
We loathe the ‘tit for tat’ mentality so moving forward we have generated a ‘device-free’ time when we enter the house after a shift.
This simple change has allowed us to stay better connected and shows a greater respect for each other.
Next:
Summary: Make a Happy Marriage Last When Working Conflicting Shifts
Shift work doesn’t need to have a negative impact on your marriage
Use this how-to advice as a guide to make a happy marriage last when working conflicting schedules. It takes time to work out how your spouse recovers from a 12-hour shift or how you need alone time after waking from nights. Don’t fret it though, you’ll soon enough find your routine.
I’m sure marriage becomes very interesting when there are children in the picture as well as shift work as it adds another layer of complexity.
While we cannot comment directly, we look forward to finding out how these couples do it, so we can provide further insight to you. Be sure to sign up for our email list to ensure you don’t miss out on these special updates.
If you enjoyed reading this post, you will also love – How To Keep Your Relationship Alive When Working Opposite Shifts and Trick to Best Communicate as a Shift Work Family.
Cheers,
Disclosure: This page may contain affiliate links, meaning we receive a commission if you decide to make a purchase through our links, but this is at no additional cost to you. Please read our disclosure and privacy statement for more info.
